


do better

by Maliam (orphan_account)



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Past Kaidan Alenko/Commander Shepard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 21:21:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4035019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Maliam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She has to do better. For her parents. For Earth. For <i>him</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	do better

**Author's Note:**

> im mass effect trsh and i aint even sorry

She swung her entire body into the punch, ignoring the burning sensation behind her eyes. The thump that resounded from the punching bag didn’t make her feel better but she continued anyways. Biting back a sob, she threw herself into the punch again. She must have lost focus and punched wrong because as she hit she felt a sharp pain fly up her arm. Stepping back, Shepard let out a loose groan, trying not to let anything out. The last thing she needed was for someone to come into her quarters and see her like this. See her so… broken.

Shepard cautiously touched her wrist with her other hand, hissing at the pain it caused. It was sprained. Great. A sprained wrist was the last thing she needed. She couldn’t focus on killing Saren if every time she moved her wrist it hurt. Twisting out her leg, Shepard growled in frustration as she kicked the punching bag. Her biotics kicked in causing her to break the chain holding it to the roof and sending it crashing into the wall. Sand started to pour out of the punching bag. She knew she should have gotten one of the newer bags. It didn’t feel the same though. It felt too real.

Cradling her wrist against her chest, Shepard walked towards her bed, sitting down to investigate her wrist further. Looking down, she couldn’t help but think about how Kaiden would have scolded her for doing this to herself.

_You should pace yourself, Shepard, next time you might break it._

She ignored the tears falling onto her leg. Sucking in a tight breath, she let herself fall back and drape her arm over her head. How had she let it get so out of hand? She should have stopped it the second he flirted with her, should have never allowed it to get so dangerously close to breaking regulations. Not that it mattered now. He was gone.

The door to her quarters opened. Shepard didn’t bother to move. Maybe they’d think she was asleep. “Skipper?” Ashley whispered. She sucked in her lip and bit down hard. How could she even look at her now, knowing that she had to pick between the two of them? Hoping that Ashley would leave, Shepard stayed perfectly still, evening out her breath so it appeared as if she was sleeping.

“I heard you kick that punching bag, so don’t pretend you’re asleep, Shepard.” Ashley said while taking a few steps into her cabin so the door would shut behind her. Shepard sighed. Of course, she would be walking by at that very moment.

“You got medi-gel?” Shepard asked. The bed shifted as Ashley sat down on the edge. She didn’t bother to look where Ashley was, only moved her sprained wrist out towards the end of the bed and waited for her to grab it. With a gentle touch, Ashley cupped her wrist and started to apply the medi-gel.

Neither of them spoke for a while. Either because they were too afraid of what they would say or because they were comfortable with the silence. Shepard hoped it was the latter but she knew that it was a false hope.

But Ashley could never remain silent for long, and as soon as Ashley released her wrist, she spoke her mind. “Why did you choose me?”

Shepard bit her lip and blinked up at the ceiling. That question was haunting her ever since she heard Kaiden’s last whispered words through the commns. Words meant for her ears only. She shook her head, unable to get the words out of her mouth. Ashley seemed to understand. Her hand squeezed Shepard’s thigh in comfort. “We’ll remember him, Shepard. We’ll do better next time.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat and moved her hand back to wipe the tears off her face. “Yeah. Next time.”

**Author's Note:**

> guess who made a video game tumblr, cus im trsh.   
> [this bitch](http://damnitshepard.tumblr.com/)


End file.
